still alive

Life sucks. But House MD is oh so good!

telephone game

So last night, me and the boys went to see 28 Weeks Later. Major plotholes, so it wasn't as scary as it could be. If I can rip something apart intellectually, then it's not scary.

As we were getting concessions Dan asked Uriel what he wanted. "Pozole." I thought it was a little weird that he said that, so I waited a few moments for my Central Auditory Processing to finish and out came "soda". Fun, fun!

ps

I'm so sweaty; I want 'pit botox.

more asl talk

My volunteer says that his philosophy is that when I "don't understand" his signing it's actually because I disagree with him. So I signed in my pathetic little imitation of a capable (don't laugh) adult speaking "I not understand, TRUE you not right". Then I made a few smartass comments about how I never had to start at the beginning with anything and I could even write when I was a baby. The written response from him was "you should hear yourself!" God, deaf people are such jerks.

Which reminds me... people from out East are jerks, too. One of the bitches from the office made him jump out of his skin by slamming the hell out of the door on the minifridge behind him. So he asked me about it and her. I flat-out told the truth that she's a psychopath. He says "but she has a baby". "I know, ewwwww, right?" Then we laughed at the absurd notion that there could even be enough alcohol in the world to facilitate that. My volunteer says I'm mean, but I've been saying that since I learned the sign for it. Along with "lazy" and "bad person", well once I learned the sign for person and stopped saying "1 people" anyway.

telephone game

Further proof that I need to break down and go back to the audiologist and get a hearing aid:

Today my 3/4 boss was taking a new shirt from our store display. She said she turned her old one pink by "washing it with a marionette". Just in case you don't know what that is... look here. Finally I managed to interrupt her stupid little hahahas to ask why she was washing a marionette in a machine (or even own one for that matter). Oh, it was actually a "linen napkin". So the equation is:

"linen napkin"
+ 20ft
+ coworker's easy listening radio station
+ otosclerosis (tiny earbones with calcium crud on them)
= "marionette"

today

I have horrific cramps; I'm going to die. My sign name sucks. Dagmar (one of the Sims) got caught cheating with her wife by one of her boyfriends (wife Paris remains oblivious). Did I mention the cramps? Oh, and House MD doesn't come in the mail from netflix until tomorrow.

test score

Your Score: Maybe

Result: 36. Your score isn't an achievement, it just is.

Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues at Cambridge's Autism Research Centre have created the Autism-Spectrum Quotient, or AQ, as a measure of the extent of autistic traits in adults. In the first major trial using the test, the average score in the control group was 16.4. Eighty percent of those diagnosed with autism or a related disorder scored 32 or higher. The test is not a means for making a diagnosis, however, and many who score above 32 and even meet the diagnostic criteria for mild autism or Asperger's report no difficulty functioning in their everyday lives. You scored 32 or above. Do with that what you will.

Link: The Asperger's Syndrome Test written by beachbummer on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

name sign

So, my volunteer says I have to wait longer for my name sign. He asked "what do you like". But how am I supposed to know? I wrote him a list. He laughed and took it with him to think about. I guess it'll percolate and maybe I'll have a name tomorrow. I hope it's a good one. I figured I could take pictures of him signing it and post them. Then all my ASL readers will know my name sign. You know, me and despairkitty, the only ASL readers I have. I think my blog is very entertaining; why aren't people stampeding to read it. Then again, I don't have a counter so maybe they are. Hmmmm....

more retail

I have my old answering machine up for sale now. It's $7, which I think is a very reasonable price. I hope I get a buyer, but if it's not sold after a week, I've decided to lower the price to $5. Then I think I'll sell the minifan since the boys gave me those 2 big fans last year, or maybe the year before. We'll see.

I've developed outdoor allergies. I never had any sort of allergies before, indoor/outdoor, food, nothing. Now I'm sneezing and itching. I accidentally got the drowsy medicine so yesterday I felt pretty awful. I went home and lied down around 6p then slept the whole night. It was rather upsetting because I had planned to play Sims 2. I've been regaling a co-worker with tales of my Sim family dynasty.

I may be getting a sign name today. My finger-spelled name is just sooooooo long. Actually, it is because at work I go by my full name rather than nickname. I'm mildly excited to see what it'll be because I love collecting names. So far I'm:
Hanako (Japanese)
Mei Hua (Mandarin)
kittensushi (online)

Fake poll: should I add ads to the blog to generate revenue or stay advertising-free?

Things I Like (Nouns This Time 'Round)

Eel
I love eel. Not the creature, eels, but the food “unagi”. I’ll eat it in sushi or over rice or just by itself. Yeah, I’m strange like that. It just has a wonderful savory taste. Even the occasional tiny bones are not a deterrent.

Dance games
I love dance games. I got up at 4a the day after Thanksgiving years ago to buy a discounted game and dance pad bundle called “In the Groove” for PS2. I’m not perfect at it, but it’s enjoyable. I pulled it out last night (you know, because Pod Lexa cleaned and there’s floor again). I managed to dance through about 660 calories using the fitness mode. Then the game locked up for too long and I quit. My disc is scratched so there are several songs that I can’t get to play. That part sucks, but I love the game so much I’ve even tried to find a new copy of it so I can play those songs, too.

Fanfic
I like reading fanfic. I’ve written a bit as well, but I’m mainly a reader and a beta, on occasion. I have a few different fandoms that I’ll dip into depending on my mood. They include SG-1 (but I’m tired of Jack/Daniel), Atlantis, Doctor Who (9th mainly, but loving the cusp between 9th and 10th), Star Wars prequels, Star Trek, Pitch Black (oddly enough, there are some real gems), Harry Potter, and many others. I’ll get nostalgic and reread favorite stories. Mainly I’m an adult-rated slasher because you’ll typically find the best work there. It’s like the kiddies are afraid of the higher rating and the whole “gay” thing, so you’re left with pretty strong writers. Oh, must tell you to read this -------------> Domenika Marzione’s work. Her website is here: http://www.offpanel.net/dmz/ and her profile with stories is here: http://www.wraithbait.com/viewuser.php?uid=872. Omigod, she’s phenomenal and totally has me reading outside my box (ewwww, sorry). She writes Atlantis fic that’s all no-sex and focused on the military force of Atlantis. It’s guys being guys, but they keep their pants on. Amazing!

Summer
I hate cold, thus I love summer. I can’t wait until it hits like 90 degrees. I’m freezing right now. I feel like I’m always cold.

Pod Lexa Strikes Again

$10 for my old vacuum & the remaining 1/4 of a gross carpet stain.

Last night

So some sort of team came to my door and asked to use the bathroom. I thought they were talking about "number 1", you know. So I let them in, then I heard the bathwater running. Finally like all 15 guys came out of the bathroom and said "thanks, ma'am" and left. It looked like this when I walked in. I think they might have been mine workers who started a mudwrestling tagteam 15-man crew.

the thing, not Carpenter's though

Damn parents! See what they push kids to, nowadays? This was a "thing" for the WikiPlay ProJect. Posted here: http://unspun.wikispaces.com/WikiChallenge

Bobby and Dingleberry Solve Parental Denial

“Bobby, wait up!”

The redheaded teen stopped and glared in annoyance at his companion. “Quiet,” he hissed. “And no names.”

“Aw, you only learned that from TV,” his companion said back, this time a lot quieter. The two boys crouched between two cars to hide further from the crowd. “This is so not going to work. We are gonna get caught.”

“No we’re not.” Bobby gave a long suffering sigh. He scanned the area, bobbing his head above the cars for a better view.

“Bobby! Let’s just ask your mom. I don’t know about this, man; I feel really torn.”

Bobby glanced at his friend, and then nodded towards the right. He grabbed his gasoline can and started creeping along the line of cars. His friend fearfully followed. They reached a red sedan and Bobby stopped. “Look,” he ordered.

“But-“

“Just look, Dingleberry!”

Dingleberry popped his head above the hood of the car they were hiding behind and began to pivot like a periscope. Suddenly he barked and threw himself on the ground. He lied there panting.

“And,” Bobby queried.

“There’s people,” Dingleberry managed to gasp out.

“And?”

“They’re like right there,” he said and pointed in their direction.

“Well which way were they facing,” Bobby asked.

Dingleberry shrugged, appearing to hump the ground, so Bobby peeked over the car. After leisurely looking around, he dropped back down and leaned against the side of the car.

“Wow, pal! There are people there, ‘like right there’. But they all seem to be facing the other way. Isn’t that odd?” Bobby pinched Dingleberry’s arm. “Now maybe you can’t hear the drums over the crowd, but were you even listening when I told you the plan back at the house?”

Dingleberry mumbled something into the ground that may have been ‘yes’.

“Oh, wait, what was that? I couldn’t hear you over the roar of the crowd and yep, definitely drums mixed in there, too.”

Dingleberry sat up. “Your dad won’t give you gas money, so we’re going to siphon some off a few cars while everybody’s watching the parade.”

“Hallelujah, it’s a miracle! Now get the hose ready.”

Multimedia message

I removed the picture that was here, because I'm a meanie. And it was so not flattering.

press release

And I forgot to mention that last week I helped my friend, Sarah. She's in photos below and still available boys! Anyway, I helped her write a press release. Maybe she'll be famous soon. Then I can be part of her entourage. ;) I'm just writing, writing, writing.

more "things" coming soon

The next challenge is online at the WikiPlay ProJect. See link to the right. I'm working on my next masterpiece now. It should be as decent as the previous "things".

Also, Davis Hewlett, you know the brother of the chick that I really like, has another ridiculous video up on youtube. The people they allow to buy cameras! Just kidding. I snickered while watching it because he was so (not-)sincere.

And, I found a website to download JPOP; I already thought so but must reiterate: BoA rocks! (Ok, maybe "BoA pops!", but you get me.)

regarding the another thing

I have no idea why some redneck motherfucker is talking through me, but there you go. This one is also an UnSpun thing, but this time posted on Streams of Conciousness: http://unspun.wikispaces.com/WikiPlaySOC

Slightly upset that nobody has remixed me, though. And ps, I signed up on Chemistry.com last night, "one of them online website dating services ". hehehe

another "thing"

“Did you know that Mindy and Lisa are together because of me? Really. Yeah, really! You know how I broke up with Becky last, God, what… when was that? Well anyway, I was single again and I do not do well single. You know that, right? Everybody knows that. So I went to one of them online website dating services and signed up to find a new love of my life. Well… I guess I signed up wrong. I don’t know. I mean, my handle name was ‘handsomeprince69’, but whatever. So I signed up wrong and they had me down as a lesbian, you know “woman seeking woman”. Even though I’m not a woman, they found me one. Lisa, yeah. We emailed and chatted. She’s like ‘Chris, I don’t want you to judge me on my appearance so I think we should get to know each other first before we exchange pictures or anything as superficial as that’. I figured she’s a porker, but whatever ‘cause big girls need love, too, right? So finally we decided to meet for coffee. She said she was going to wear a gingham dress. I looked it up. You know, she really did look like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz that day. But, hotter. I went up to her and told her I was Chris. She freaked out and pulled mace out of her purse. Man, COPS is so real because that shit stung. I couldn’t figure it out. So I was talking to Mindy like the next day because she’s totally a lezzie, I mean lesbian. I said to her ‘I don’t get women because this girl I thought liked me, even said she liked me, sprayed me with mace.’ Mindy emailed her to figure it out and explain that I’m no crazy. Next thing I know, boom! She done stole my woman for herself. Ain’t that life for ya? But well, I’m happy for them. I heard they’re having a baby. Don’t know how they managed that, though.”

Interview with a Weirdo

What keeps me going?

Well, today it’s writing. Literally, because I’ve had no caffeine. My stomach keeps ticking like a time bomb so I’d love to call it a day, but I’ve stuck around to have access to my blog and high-speed internet. I’m naturally a very low energy person, low watt light bulb. I don’t do sports or anything like that because I’m always so tired. I’m a procrastinator, so I keep putting off suicide. However, I am motivated by television. I’ve paid bills and strived to live just to see more of my shows.

A List

This is my list of grievances, things that piss me off and other crap. Please note: this list is not complete, nowhere near it, even.

I hate high cholesterol. I mean, a person tries to eat right and still the cholesterol is too high. Then again, maybe I hate genetics. That’s the true root of it.

I hate being poor because I’d like to know what it’s like to just do whatever I want. Work only when I want and not when I don’t feel like it.

People who drink bottled water piss me off. Municipal water is actually cleaner and basically free. But, no! You’ve gotta waste money on little bottles of water. What’s up with that, pal? That said, Fiji water is pretty delicious and comes in cute little squared bottles.

Why are so many people straight-up dee dee dee? I think we should sterilize anyone who doesn’t pass the cougar test. The test is this: you’re strolling in the public area of your choosing. Suddenly, cougars appear on the horizon. They will kill anyone and everyone they capture. Can you outrun them? Outsmart them? Dodge out of the way and hide? And don’t think that this is about me picking on cripples. I’ve known blind people who would be like, “hear that, some crazy shit from that direction”. Then they’d be tapping with their canes running the other way. Deaf people would see people flying past them, turn around and spot the cougars. Then they’d be running, too. Hell, even truly mentally handicapped people would see that cougars are biting people, equate it with a mean dog that bit them once and take off running, too. But if you think your balls are just so huge that you stand your ground and get mauled? You deserved that shit. You’re so crazy, you think your great-aunt Mathilde’s long dead show kitty Margaret-Thatcher-Commanding-The-Attention-Of Parliament is “playing” with those folks screaming bloody murder down the block? Yeah, you deserved your shit, too. Cougars! Survive the cougars and you get to breed. It’s as simple as that.

And BTW, don’t get wasted by your fellow prey either. If I have to bust your kneecaps with a discarded Coke bottle I found on the ground to slow you down enough to serve as cougar bait, well that’s happening! I hate to be like that, but dude… cougars!

Don’t mumble! For real, people! You are you; you are the center of your universe. How could even you not think that your words are important and deserve to be heard? Enunciate! Teach your little bastard offspring to speak clearly, too. See above, because obviously your parents didn’t truly survive the cougars.

Diarrhea sucks! As in really bad; it sucks. It’s worst when you shit so deep it smells like vomit. Yeah…

Link

http://unspun.wikispaces.com/WikiChallenge

I posted the previous "thing" at the link above.

a "thing" I wrote

“Friend of Mya”

Beneath the stairs we hid the box, and then rejoiced. Mya looked to me when the task was complete and I looked back. Both could see the triumph in the other’s eyes. We held hands and pretended to do a little dance, as we have feigned before. Soon my contact called out, “girls, the train is here”. We parted on the platform, as my contact and I boarded the train. Mya and I showed our palms in farewell. The train withdrew from the station and I relaxed into my seat.

“Are you sad… to leave Mya,” my contact asked me.

“No, mother. I am well,” I told her and smiled in a tired manner.

“Don’t worry, we’ll visit her soon. And I know she already misses you, too. Did you see her looking at us, so sad on the platform? She’s a great friend.” She looked to me as though waiting for an answer, but I did not reply. We continued our journey in silence.

After a time, I noticed that our path was now winding through an unfamiliar city. Some on the train seemed to be gathering their possessions. My contact followed their example. She stood and arranged the bags on her vacated seat. I watched calmly as confusion overcame her and she visibly counted them. She then scrambled around our area, looking for one parcel in particular.

Finally she turned to me and demanded, “Where’s your daddy’s present?” When I did not answer she came closer to me. “What did you do with your father’s new cowboy boots?” Again, I did not answer, but I clearly remembered the satisfaction of completing the task of disposal. My face did not betray me, but still she grabbed my arm and lifted me from my seat.

My contact put her face close to mine and whispered savagely, “God! What am I going to do with you? Always something missing, always quiet, always watching, always something odd with you and nobody else sees it! Some days I’d swear you weren’t even my child…” She then gasped and scanned the train car for any who might have seen or overhead her abuse of me. She apologized quickly and efficiently, as anticipated.