A List
This is my list of grievances, things that piss me off and other crap. Please note: this list is not complete, nowhere near it, even.
I hate high cholesterol. I mean, a person tries to eat right and still the cholesterol is too high. Then again, maybe I hate genetics. That’s the true root of it.
I hate being poor because I’d like to know what it’s like to just do whatever I want. Work only when I want and not when I don’t feel like it.
People who drink bottled water piss me off. Municipal water is actually cleaner and basically free. But, no! You’ve gotta waste money on little bottles of water. What’s up with that, pal? That said, Fiji water is pretty delicious and comes in cute little squared bottles.
Why are so many people straight-up dee dee dee? I think we should sterilize anyone who doesn’t pass the cougar test. The test is this: you’re strolling in the public area of your choosing. Suddenly, cougars appear on the horizon. They will kill anyone and everyone they capture. Can you outrun them? Outsmart them? Dodge out of the way and hide? And don’t think that this is about me picking on cripples. I’ve known blind people who would be like, “hear that, some crazy shit from that direction”. Then they’d be tapping with their canes running the other way. Deaf people would see people flying past them, turn around and spot the cougars. Then they’d be running, too. Hell, even truly mentally handicapped people would see that cougars are biting people, equate it with a mean dog that bit them once and take off running, too. But if you think your balls are just so huge that you stand your ground and get mauled? You deserved that shit. You’re so crazy, you think your great-aunt Mathilde’s long dead show kitty Margaret-Thatcher-Commanding-The-Attention-Of Parliament is “playing” with those folks screaming bloody murder down the block? Yeah, you deserved your shit, too. Cougars! Survive the cougars and you get to breed. It’s as simple as that.
And BTW, don’t get wasted by your fellow prey either. If I have to bust your kneecaps with a discarded Coke bottle I found on the ground to slow you down enough to serve as cougar bait, well that’s happening! I hate to be like that, but dude… cougars!
Don’t mumble! For real, people! You are you; you are the center of your universe. How could even you not think that your words are important and deserve to be heard? Enunciate! Teach your little bastard offspring to speak clearly, too. See above, because obviously your parents didn’t truly survive the cougars.
Diarrhea sucks! As in really bad; it sucks. It’s worst when you shit so deep it smells like vomit. Yeah…
I hate high cholesterol. I mean, a person tries to eat right and still the cholesterol is too high. Then again, maybe I hate genetics. That’s the true root of it.
I hate being poor because I’d like to know what it’s like to just do whatever I want. Work only when I want and not when I don’t feel like it.
People who drink bottled water piss me off. Municipal water is actually cleaner and basically free. But, no! You’ve gotta waste money on little bottles of water. What’s up with that, pal? That said, Fiji water is pretty delicious and comes in cute little squared bottles.
Why are so many people straight-up dee dee dee? I think we should sterilize anyone who doesn’t pass the cougar test. The test is this: you’re strolling in the public area of your choosing. Suddenly, cougars appear on the horizon. They will kill anyone and everyone they capture. Can you outrun them? Outsmart them? Dodge out of the way and hide? And don’t think that this is about me picking on cripples. I’ve known blind people who would be like, “hear that, some crazy shit from that direction”. Then they’d be tapping with their canes running the other way. Deaf people would see people flying past them, turn around and spot the cougars. Then they’d be running, too. Hell, even truly mentally handicapped people would see that cougars are biting people, equate it with a mean dog that bit them once and take off running, too. But if you think your balls are just so huge that you stand your ground and get mauled? You deserved that shit. You’re so crazy, you think your great-aunt Mathilde’s long dead show kitty Margaret-Thatcher-Commanding-The-Attention-Of Parliament is “playing” with those folks screaming bloody murder down the block? Yeah, you deserved your shit, too. Cougars! Survive the cougars and you get to breed. It’s as simple as that.
And BTW, don’t get wasted by your fellow prey either. If I have to bust your kneecaps with a discarded Coke bottle I found on the ground to slow you down enough to serve as cougar bait, well that’s happening! I hate to be like that, but dude… cougars!
Don’t mumble! For real, people! You are you; you are the center of your universe. How could even you not think that your words are important and deserve to be heard? Enunciate! Teach your little bastard offspring to speak clearly, too. See above, because obviously your parents didn’t truly survive the cougars.
Diarrhea sucks! As in really bad; it sucks. It’s worst when you shit so deep it smells like vomit. Yeah…
posted by Lexa at 1:44 PM
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