must read, when eyes open

http://theemdash.livejournal.com/463292.html?style=mine

This is by one of T's very good friends. It's award-winning, so everyone else read it, too!

Why don't I have cool writer friends? Oh, right. I happen to be the cool writer friend. Damn, I should really write something.

great honor

In honour of my (work) friend Sarah’s birthday, My Apprentice (my very evil, yet very beloved cat) has been renamed:

“SARAH BRAY”

That is, until I forget and go back to calling him My Apprentice. My bank account is empty again so it was either rename the cat or give her my cold. I figured she'd prefer the former. :)

therapy

I had a therapist before. Well, I've had several, but the last one was named John, I think. Anyway, I got fired in March of 2005 and so of course lost my insurance coverage and had to stop seeing him. I left him a voicemail on his confidential line all like "I got [brave gasping] fired, and don't have [pathetic sniffling] insurance anymore and I can't see you [full-on choking] anymore." He didn't even return my call. What a bastard!

Well, it's not like therapists do anything but listen to me talk. I could've sworn at in the movies they actually do some... therapy. Shit, I can talk to my cat for free. BTW, he's doing well. I got him Purina Cat Chow Indoor Formula in addition to the regular Cat Chow; he's been eating them both. He's the little bastard that went on hunger strike when I tried to switch him to some expensive, human-edible quality meat cat food. Really, what the hell does poultry by-product mean?

For the sake of science I just tried a little handful of each of My Apprentice's foods. It tastes like a Cocker Spaniel shit in my mouth, but like a week ago. It's not meaty tasting at all! The Indoor Formula was actually worse than the regular, due to being slightly more "flavorful", I guess I'd say. My stomach's not upset or anything, but I think my cat is retarded. I mean, people have thrown rotisserie chicken at him and he won't eat it. I was going to share my crab legs, eel roll, and teriyaki salmon (I washed it off!) with him, but he wants none of it. Really, really stupid kitty.

Um, I think I was writing about therapy. Yeah, so nevermind. I think I just realized why therapy never works for me.

The standard therapist comment is "hmmm"; feel free to use that.

weird question

Are only Jews allowed to immigrate to Israel? I honestly have been searching online for the answer for an hour. What if I'm not Jewish and I want to go anyway? If I'm not allowed, is it discrimination and would I be allowed to sue in an Israeli court of law? Are there Israeli courts of law?

I embarass my cat

I've decided that if I win the lottery tomorrow (baring in mind that I don't have a ticket), I will do the following:

Accept my money wearing something modest yet stylish from Nordstrom.

Have a huge house built in Washington State (not sure which community yet, but might be nice to be close to the Gates'), like this one, while I work on immigrating to Canada.

Adopt these kids and rename them (by age) Ava, Bryn, Claire, and Dana. I'm offended by their current names. Oh, and I'll have those full-time nannies I previously referenced.

Then I'd spend my time reading lifestyle magazines, having fat sucked out of me, and making lists of three items. I may consider being a patron of the arts or volunteering somewhere, but nothing dirty or unpleasant. Sometime after that, the kids and I would be Canadian. Pathetic, eh?

This (ridiculously excessive fantasy shopping) is what happens when people don't post their fanfic fast enough to keep up with my reading speed. I'll have you know that I've reread 4 stories in the last few days, just trying to get a decent Stargate Atlantis fix. I think I need more fandoms. I'm off to check on Dr Who archives, ooh and maybe Rome as well.

Birthday Party

I went to a birthday party today... for a four year old. Yeah, um, I hate children. I like cats. That tubal ligation was the best investment that I never actually had to pay for. I don't think I'll adopt children until I have tons of money to hire a team of full-time nannies. Nannies who spank.

ps
I fixed comments so anyone to add a comment now.

trivia

I watch Law & Order Special Victims Unit rather than any other L&O. I love the team they have, but hate the shit they investigate. Always something terrible, nothing I want to see, but I love those guys.

I have nickel sensitivity. I can't wear very many earrings for very long other than piercing studs. I'm wearing pretty dangling ones now and already my earlobes are itching. I'll have to pull them out soon. Then it'll take about 3-4 days for the itching to stop.

I have otosclerosis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otosclerosis. I'm constanting asking "what". My ENT doctor said he'd laser-blast my tiny little earbones back into shape if I wanted, but "ow" and "ew". The audiologist offered me a hearing aid, but I was too proud to schedule a fitting. But now... seriously growing deaf.

I desparately want to set a world record. But I have no talent and very little preserverance. I think my best bet would be to start some sort of collection. But all I have now is a big pile of unrelated crap. It's not quite a collection.

I have a Canada fetish. I have a flag and buy Canadian over any other country's products. I want to immigrate, but don't have enough points on the immigration chart yet. http://cic.gc.ca. I'm also looking for a Canadian spouse, but only in that every few weeks I say "I really need to find a husband from Canada, or a wife".

got it!

I think I figured out the picture posting thing. I hope this looks okay (the formatting, not the apartment).

Ok, apparently, although I was at the top of the game in 1997, I've since become a webtard. I give up because I want to go read fanfic before I have to take the stupid Lunestra. Wow, eh? It's just like one of those "Find the _____" games. The cat is My Apprentice; he doesn't have a say in the state of the apartment because he has no opposible thumbs to clean nor an income to hire a ChaCha. I don't know what's my excuse. Oh right... Bipolar Disorder.

a sensible title

Um, back again.

I'd like to state for the record that I have no idea what "fried chicken" is about. I certainly wasn't eating fried chicken last night. I've looked around my computer desk today and don't find any references to chicken nor anything fried. I'm just not sure. Oh, but I am sure that Lunestra always (and I do mean always) wins in the end. What was I thinking to accomplish by fighting?

I actually lost this blog. I couldn't remember the title to show my (work) friend Jessica. I finally had to search for my name. "Hi, I'm Lexa, by the way." But if you try to search for Lexa you will find that there are lots of blogs. So I had to search for "lexa lunestra" to narrow it down to just mine. How lame is that?

Here is a picture of my apartment. What, you can't see it? Well, that's because my place is so fucking messy that I can't find my camera. You know that port on the back of computers? I think it's called USB; little fucker only has a picture icon not words. Well, the only thing I own that plugs into that (I managed to break both minidisc players) is the digital camera. And do we really need to specify "digital" in this day and age? Anyway, the cord is now sitting in my lap and there's no camera attached. Maybe I'll be able to find it. I hope my Anggun CD is with it because it's not with (most of) the other CDs in the nifty storage boxes.

OK, I looked in the kitchen and the bathroom. If you know me, then you'll know these are very reasonable places to look. Incidentally, I'm very hungry but too scared to leave the house (damn Jessica and her Ju-on tales). But there's no food in the kitchen really. I'm a procrastinator so I didn't call for delivery when I first got home; I guess no food for me. :( Oh, but I found my Akira T-shirt hanging up clean in the bathroom so I can wear that when I play my dance game. That I will be playing on an empty stomach. Anyway, on the way out of the bathroom I spotted my artbox. It has... art supplies in it. 'Hmm', I thought and opened it for the first time in about 3 months. Yeay, my camera!

It's karma, really. I've crushed 2 (two) minidisc players underfoot, but this cheap-ass Olympus with it's wowzer 2.5X zoom refuses to die. My (con) friend Lea has 40X; she can take retinal scans from 10 rows back.

I snapped photos, but who knows if I can figure out the loading process now...

fried chicken

Dear Children,
Mommy is fucked up. My doctor was quite adament that I needed sleep so gave me Lunestra. But I can't play online, or play my dance game, or have inappropriate fantasies about Rip Torn while I'm asleep. I've been fighting the pill for about 2 hours now (I agreed to take it, but not to sleep). It's a draw so far.

Umm, I think I just zoned out because suddenly my left leg is asleep. NO, Left Leg, fight it!